55

Over the years I’ve come to understand that when I’ve let go, when I’ve stopped chasing ambitious plans, when I stop desperately searching for something, that’s when I get what I really need and want.

I’ve learned that if you give, you get much more back. It sounds like I’m writing one of those motivational spiels people post on their Facebook or Instagram walls, but it’s what I feel right now.

When I realized you can’t be happy, happiness came into my life. When I discovered that the pursuit of power only brings misery and destruction, I left that road and was able to find myself and discover who was really with me.

So far I have a full life. I do what I like, always alongside brilliant people who inspire me. I also have a wonderful family that makes me proud. I don’t have to go around showing or proving anything to anyone. I’m recognized for who I am, and that’s with the most exciting thing I post on Instagram being pictures of lizards.

Today I turn 55, and sometimes I feel like I’m barely 35. I’ve gotten younger. Of course, sometimes my body doesn’t get the memo, but that’s a detail.

My gift to you this year is a great Steely Dan song, one that says in one of its verses:

They got a name for the winners in the world
I want a name when I lose

See you on the next trip around the sun.

Here are the lyrics:

Deacon Blues

This is the day of the expanding man
That shape is my shade
There where I used to stand
It seems like only yesterday
I gazed through the glass
At ramblers, wild gamblers

That’s all in the past
You call me a fool
You say it’s a crazy scheme
This one’s for real

I already bought the dream
So useless to ask me why
Throw a kiss and say goodbye
I’ll make it this time
I’m ready to cross that fine line
Learn to work the saxophone
(I) I play just what I feel

Drink Scotch whiskey all night long
And die behind the wheel

They got a name for the winners in the world
(I) I want a name when I lose
They call Alabama the Crimson Tide
Call me Deacon Blues
(Deacon Blues)

My back to the wall
A victim of laughing chance
This is for me
The essence of true romance

Sharing the things we know and love with those of my kind
Libations, sensations
That stagger the mind
I crawl like a viper
Through these suburban streets
Make love to these women
Languid and bittersweet

I’ll rise when the sun goes down
Cover every game in town
A world of my own
I’ll make it my home sweet home

Learn to work the saxophone
(I) I play just what I feel
Drink Scotch whiskey all night long
And die behind the wheel

They got a name for the winners in the world
(I) I want a name when I lose
They call Alabama the Crimson Tide
Call me Deacon Blues
(Deacon Blues)

This is the night of the expanding man
I take one last drag as I approach the stand
I cried when I wrote this song
Sue me if I play too long
This brother is free

I’ll be what I want to be
I’ll learn to work the saxophone
(I) I play just what I feel
Drink Scotch whiskey all night long
And die behind the wheel

They got a name for the winners in the world
(I) I want a name when I lose
They call Alabama the Crimson Tide
Call me Deacon Blues
(Deacon Blues)