52

I was born in ‘67
The year of Sgt. Pepper
And are you experienced

As time goes by I find it easier and easier to accept Turing’s idea that there is no great difference between us and machines. Or, to put it another way, the gap between machines and us keeps getting smaller. And you realize this as you grow old. Because, just as with machines, time does its part, and you suffer the same deterioration any artifact goes through.

Entropy is unforgiving. The pipes clog up, the gears wear down, and the movements that used to be quicker grow more unhurried. Your face and your hair give it away. It is something you can’t deny, however much you’d like to.

Into a suburban heaven
Yeah it should've been forever
It all seems to make so much sense

I am not the same one who once played in the hills of Chuquicamata, or who studied near Parque O’Higgins in Santiago. But I am still the same person. I am the sum of all my changes, and the result of all my experiences.

Heraclitus said that “no man ever steps in the same river twice”, and Parmenides worked very hard to prove him wrong. That is why we Westerners have this idea that our essence does not change. Because the Eleatic philosopher worked very hard to convince us that we are an immutable, perfect and indestructible unity. Some called that the soul, and Plato along with Aristotle named it being (ontos), that which defines us.

The thing is, everything around you keeps changing, and if you only play the role of observer, it seems that the world is transformed, but you are not.

But after a while
You realize time flies
And the best thing that you can do
Is take whatever comes to you
‘Cause time flies

In Isaac Asimov’s story The Bicentennial Man, the robot Andrew Martin¹ observes the world around him in an exceptional and unique way, and witnesses its continuous change across eight generations, a transformation that he himself brings about.

In fifty-two years I have witnessed astonishing changes. Not many have gone the way I expected as a kid, but they still haven’t stopped surprising me. Although sometimes you feel that you don’t change, the truth is that a little honesty forces you to admit that even your own ideas and values have undergone some mutation.

She said luck is what you make it
You just reach out and take it
Now let’s dance a while

I don’t believe in luck, and yet I believe I have been fortunate. In the Carmina Burana an anonymous monk, many years ago, left us the fundamental observation: “O Fortuna, velut luna statu variabilis”.

That’s how it is: today fortune smiles on me, but maybe next year I will have reason to lament. But all in all, and in spite of the variations, I have to say the balance is positive.

Maybe that is the indestructible essence we carry inside, the balance of everything good and bad and the feeling of satisfaction, or misery, that the result leaves us with.

She said nothing ever happens
If you don't make it happen
And if you can't laugh and smile

I say that if in the end you can’t laugh, or celebrate, and you look back and no smile appears on your face, then it is because you haven’t had a full life. Nothing happens if you don’t let it happen.

Woody Allen once said that “comedy is tragedy plus time”. And it is one of the few things on which I think he is completely right. In the end, when the Grim Reaper comes, let him find you smiling; that way you may manage to throw him off and he’ll let you stay a while longer. At least those are my plans. If you can’t beat them, confuse them.

And laughing in the summer showers
That’s still the way I see you now

Always remember the laughter of children. Your own laughter, or your baby’s when they laughed for the first time. What a glorious moment that is!

I hope to enjoy my grandchildren’s laughter in the same way, and that these rusty mechanisms that make up my worn-out body hold on long enough to see them play and run around my yard.

How does time break down
With no marker, things slow down.
A conference of the strange
And your family is deranged

It wasn’t until after forty that I began to expose myself more to the world and pass on my experience. I once wrote that this was liberating. First by writing on this blog, and later by giving talks and taking part in conferences. Even publishing books.

My family was always with me, one way or another. I always felt their support and trust. You must first put your house in order before going out to explore the world.

Without meaning to, I ended up following Montaigne’s path. In “El Legado de Occidente” (The Legacy of the West), the great Stefan Zweig tells how the philosopher from Bordeaux shut himself away for a decade in his marvelous tower, surrounded by his books and his musings, but after a while, as if he were a philosophical cicada, he went out into the world to travel and test all his ideas against reality.

I could tell you what I’m thinking
While we sit here drinking
But I’m not sure where to start

You never become wise in the solitude of introspection.

Just as happened to Montaigne, “I do not find myself when I look for myself the hardest. I find myself by surprise when I least expect it.”

Nothing gives you more chances to find yourself than untangling what there is of you reflected in others. That is why I learned, quite late in life, to cultivate friendship and conversation, with young and old. To get to know others and test my reflections against them, even if only in cyberspace. Although it is better if you share a glass of wine.

I wonder whether Montaigne would have been a blogger, had he been born in this age. I want to believe so, and I allow myself the arrogance of feeling he is a colleague and a teacher. “The surest sign of wisdom is a constant cheerfulness.”

You see there’s something wrong here
I’m sorry if I’m not clear Can you stop smoking your cigar

And the coat you wore to Alton Towers
Is still the way I see you now

I am a bundle of contradictions. I want to believe in the purity, perfection and indestructibility of Parmenides’ being. But I am aware of Heraclitus’ continuous change. That is why I prefer to say “estoy feliz” rather than “soy feliz” (Spanish has two verbs for “to be”: one for the state you are in, one for what you are), because I don’t think we are; we are merely here, in this world. I believe in the fire of Heraclitus, in eternal change, and that to understand anything you have to appreciate movement; I resist static analysis. And I also bought Turing’s idea. I am just a machine in the process of decomposing. But sometimes, when I get introspective, like today, I prefer to believe that I am unique, indestructible and always the same. May Heraclitus forgive me this small betrayal, but it must be the special mood of a special day.

Maybe I am musing too much today, on my birthday. Forgive me for distracting you with these reflections, somewhat improvised and full of references, some of them even obscure.

“The wrinkles of the spirit make us older than those of the face”, Montaigne again.

The thing is, reflecting on your age can take you to unknown places, even negative ones, so we had better back up.

“Books are the best provision I have found for this human journey”, says the French philosopher. I would add music. Because in Montaigne’s day they didn’t have progressive rock, so we live in a better age. We can express our thoughts with the help of others (“I quote others only in order to better express my own thought”).

So I leave you this birthday present, Time Flies, by Porcupine Tree², whose lyrics I have already shared with you throughout this post: