Crisis, collusion and the Rules of Acquisition

It seems fitting right now to recall one of the “more interesting” races of characters from the Star Trek series. I mean the Ferengi, a bunch of greedy, cowardly hypercapitalists, famous for their “Rules of Acquisition”.

It’s good to know what the Rules of Acquisition say, because I have a suspicion that the Ferengi have established a colony on our planet, and they seem to operate behind the fronts of pharmacy chains, supermarkets and stock exchanges.

I’ve seen a few of them around (pay special attention at business seminars) ….

The Ferengi Rules of Acquisition

Once you have their money, you never give it back.
The best deal is the one that brings the most profit.
Never allow family to stand in the way of opportunity.
Opportunity plus instinct equals profit.
Greed is eternal.
Even if it’s free, you can always buy it cheaper.
Anything worth selling is worth selling twice.
Anything worth doing is worth doing for money.
Satisfaction is not guaranteed.
Never place friendship above profit.
Nothing is more important than your health… except for your money.
There’s nothing more dangerous than an honest businessman.
War is good for business.
Profit is its own reward.

Expand or die.
Don’t trust a man wearing a better suit than your own.
Free advice is seldom cheap.
Keep your lies consistent.
Knowledge equals profit.
Every once in a while, declare peace. It confuses the hell out of your enemies.
The flimsier the product, the higher the price.
Never let the competition know what you’re thinking.
Ask not what your profits can do for you. Ask what you can do for your profits.
Every man has his price.
Faith moves mountains… of inventory.
Treat people in your debt like family: exploit them.
Never have sex with the boss’s sister.
Everything is for sale, even friendship.
You can’t make a deal if you’re dead.
Wives serve, brothers inherit.
There’s nothing wrong with charity… as long as it winds up in your pocket.
Even in the worst of times, someone turns a profit.
The justification for profit is profit.
Employees are the rungs on the ladder to success. Don’t hesitate to step on them.
Latinum (*) lasts longer than lust.
Deep down, everyone’s a Ferengi.

(*) A precious metal used as the monetary standard by the Ferengi.

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