Ten commandments for the Klingon programmer

1. Defensive programming? Never! Klingon programs are always on the offensive. Yes, offensive programming is the best way to do it.

2. Specifications are for the weak and the timid.

3. You cannot truly appreciate Dilbert unless you have read it in the original Klingon.

4. What is all this about “releasing” software? Klingons do not release software. Our software “escapes”, leaving a bloody trail of designers and quality assurance people in its wake.

5. Klingon functions do not have “parameters”, they have “arguments”, and THEY ALWAYS WIN THEM.

6. Debugging? Klingons do not debug. Our software does not coddle the weak. Bugs are good for building the user’s character.

7. A TRUE Klingon Warrior does not comment his code!

8. By filing a bug report you have challenged the honor of my family. Prepare to die!

9. You question the worthiness of my code? I should kill you where you stand.

10. Our users should know terror and fear before our software! Ship it! Ship it and let them flee like the dogs they are.

11. Our competition is without honor!

12. Python, PHP? Those are for children. A Klingon Warrior uses only machine code.

13. Klingons do not write accounting programs. For that you need a Ferengi.

14. Who says ten commandments can only have ten items? Are you questioning the honor of my family? Prepare to die!

(Based on The Klingon Programmer, and in reply to this article at SushiKnights)